Careless whispers: Five tips for handling gossip

People who are the subject of gossip – as well as those who perpetrate it – can learn from the ways in which larger organisations handle a reputation crisis.
Gossip relates closely to reputation, because your reputation is determined by three things: what you say, what you do, and what others say about you.

As children, we’re taught that ‘sticks and stones can break your bones but names will never hurt you’. However, you only need to look to the stock market to see the significant influence rumours and gossip can have on well-established companies.

Not surprisingly, the impact on an individual when people in their workplace and social networks turn against them can be devastating.

Gossip can be particularly difficult to address, because by its very nature, it takes place out of sight and out of earshot.

Furthermore, the speed and ease of communication in this modern age – thanks to the internet and social networking especially – mean that cruel or thoughtless words can be shared with the world in a matter of minutes.

Based on my work helping businesses to manage their corporate image and risks to their reputation, I’ve put together the following tips.

If you’re the victim of gossip:

1. Have a good reputation to begin with.

A good reputation is like liability insurance. You should think about your reputation as your own personal brand, and protect it in the same way organisations protect their brands. We all realise everyone makes mistakes and anyone is capable of making a bad choice or decision. However, it’s a good idea to be aware that the way you look or behave is going to affect the way people perceive you.

2. Decide upon a strategy.

If you’re unfortunate enough to become the subject of gossip, decide up front how you’ll respond. Will you take the higher ground and refuse to engage? Or will you address the rumours at their source in a firm yet friendly way? If so, how? Think carefully about your response. There’s not a single ‘right’ answer, and you may need to adapt your strategy as time goes by. If nothing else, having a plan of action can make you feel better prepared and stop you from making impulsive decisions.

3. People love a scandal!

If you do decide to respond to the gossip, do so in a very careful, calm and controlled manner, and stay tightly focused on the facts. Remember, a rumour is just a rumour until you react; then you make it real. Gossip is like news and it becomes more interesting when there is human emotion, drama and conflict involved. Responding with arguments and tit-for-tat will only attract more attention and that’s exactly what the gossipers want!

4. Perception is truth in the eyes of the audiences.

While you don’t want to create more drama, I advise the organisations I work with that it’s rarely a good idea to say, ‘no comment’. If people have incomplete information about a topic, they’ll find ways to fill those gaps in the knowledge and this is the environment in which rumours and gossip thrive. Worse still, false allegations can soon become as good as fact to the people who hear them, if they’re not corrected quickly and comprehensively.

5. Keep your crisis in perspective.

Much gossip isn’t actually intended to be malicious. Many people gossip as a way of building connections with their friends and colleagues, because they’re lacking in social skills, or because they’re insecure themselves. The good news is, if dealt with swiftly, gossipers tend to move on quickly. And in the case of big business, research shows it’s actually possible to come back stronger and even more profitable after a crisis. Remind yourself, no matter how bad it seems at the time, ‘this too shall pass.’

If you’ve been caught gossiping:

1. Stop!

It sounds obvious but the first and most important thing you need to do is, stop gossiping! Make a conscious effort to catch yourself when you fall into old patterns, and either walk away, change the subject or state outright you don’t want to continue gossiping. Learn also to recognise the situations in which you’re more likely to gossip – is it when you’re spending time with a certain group of people? Is it when you’re bored? Know these triggers, and then avoid them.

2. How is it bad, and how bad is it?

Many people dismiss gossip as ‘harmless fun’ but don’t kid yourself; it can and does have serious consequences for those affected. Gossip is almost always untrue and can literally ruin someone life, with loss of employment, damage to relationships and even self-harm not uncommon. If you have a tendency to gossip, think about the damage you could cause and how great the cost could be before you continue.

3. Apologise, apologise, apologise!

Taking responsibility for your mistake and offering a sincere apology will get you a long way toward earning forgiveness. Remember, in our media-savvy society, most people are quite familiar with the art of the ‘non-apology’. We’ve all seen the fallen celebrity on television who “regrets that any offence was caused by their actions.” Genuine apologies don’t contain excuses – no ‘if’s or ‘but’s.

4. Time is not your friend.
On the whole, most people are quite forgiving and it is possible to recover your reputation when you’ve been caught doing the wrong thing; but you need to act quickly to make amends. They say time heals all wounds, but old grudges are hard to let go too! The golden rules are act quickly, be open, be honest, and be available (don’t just hide and hope it all blows over).

5. Reflect upon the way you’re going about your business.

Most people have said or done something they regret in their life. However, if you find yourself apologising too often, you may wish to think carefully about your behaviour, what’s it’s saying to people about you, and the impact it’s having on others. Do you want to be known as someone who is honest, trustworthy, productive and credible? How do your goals for yourself fit with your tendency to gossip?